Hurt

Dear all,

I feel deeply, deeply hurt. For two reasons.

Firstly, I awoke this morning to hear Brother shouting again. I swear he must have some serious anger management problems. Or maybe it’s just the terrible teens rearing their ugly head. I don’t know. But anyway, he appeared to be having a massive shouting match with my maman about something stupid, and he was just bellowing as loudly as he possibly could. Often, as much as I hate to say this about a member of my own family, Brother is a genuinely horrible person. He always has to be right, and if you don’t agree with him he says “Well that’s just stupid, isn’t it?” If you irritate him even slightly, he will shout at you and hit things – like slamming doors or punching the wall. He is tall and strong, so that is a big problem.

Every time this happens my heart starts convulsing and my breathing becomes restricted. I have to stop myself having another panic attack. Sometimes, when he’s being particularly bad, I fantasise about slashing him with a knife or pulping his head with a cricket bat. Immobilising him in some way. Not enough to kill him, just enough to shut him up. But of course I never would. Instead, whenever he’s being angry and I can, I sneak into his bedroom and make a small tear in a page of one of his books, or cut a few stitches in the hem of his sheets. It’s a sad, small, secret revenge, but it makes me feel better. Still, it’s only another four months before I go to university and will finally get some peace and quiet.

The second reason is worse. The other day, I jokingly insulted Jack on my Facebook status. Then, late last night, on MSN, he sent me this link to get me back. Stupidly, I clicked on it. It opened a new brower window of three fat old men in the shower jerking each other off. The window moved around constantly so you couldn’t click on the “X” in the corner to close it. There was music. I nearly cried. Finally, the music and movement stopped. I clicked to close it, and an information box appeared in the middle of the screen saying “HELLO!!!!!” I couldn’t close that, no matter how many times I clicked. I had to restart my computer to get rid of it all.

I feel so… violated. I thought Jack knew me better than to think I’d find something like that funny. Either he hasn’t got a clue or he was much more hurt than I thought by that Facebook thing. But it wasn’t a big thing. I just told him to shush and mind his own beeswax. I just can’t believe he’d send me something like that. I told him I was angry, then went to bed. I can’t bring myself to talk to him after that. I’m even considering deleting him as a Facebook friend, but that would be overreacting, I know. I think I shall just wait and see if he makes any attempt to apologise.

Now excuse me, I have to run every antivirus program I have on my computer. It’s slow today and it may have picked up something nasty from last night’s “prank”. Hope it’s not swine flu… 😛

Lots of love,
Wilhelm Scream.

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1 Comment

  1. Saturday, 16th May 2009 at 9:33 pm

    […] night I fixed things with Jack. I’m so glad I did, because I’d hate to lose him as a friend. I was worried that our […]


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