Dear all,

A most interesting turn of events has just come to pass. About a year and a half ago I met Luke, through some school thing. Wow, I thought, this guy has a delicious voice. And so it came to pass that I developed a thing for him. However, so far a year and a half has passed and we are friends but nothing more. We are good friends – we talk, sometimes we hang out, we tease each other. But not once in the whole year and a half have I got a definite signal from him that he feels the same way. In fact, I haven’t got any signals to speak of. Recently, something important happened. I bought The Rules.

Wow, Wilhelm Scream. You just betrayed the sisterhood.

No, I didn’t. Allow me to elucidate. I have read The Rules from cover to cover and do concede that some of it is about manipulating men and behaving in a way which does not allow you to express your own wishes. On the other hand, it stops you clinging on to romances that fizzled out before they even started and waiting around for someone who’s obviously not interested.

If he doesn’t call, he’s not *that* interested.

And it’s true. If he does not make an effort to contact you then He’s Just Not That Into You. And so I have resolved to stop thinking about Luke. And I haven’t been facebook stalking him. I swear I haven’t. Well, not more than I’d facebook stalk anyone else. Instead, I’ve been making a serious effort to get out and about a have a social life.

Last night, I went to a pub quiz that Thomas invited me to, and it was fun. In that post, I mentioned someone that I’d re-met, and apparently Luke heard today that we’ve “been getting on very well”. For starters, with the implied intonation that he gave that phrase, it’s not true. But, minus that suggestiveness, it is true. Brian is very nice. He’s American and says odd little American phrases which I’ve only ever heard in films or on TV, so they make me laugh. He’s super-clever, and will be studying physics next year (I think, or else it’s maths).

Deep down, a secret part of me wishes that “I hear you and Brian have been getting on very well” means that Luke is jealous. But hey. If he wants to date me he can ask me out. No matter how shy he is, if he doesn’t actually ask me on a date, he’s not that interested. Just saying that is a really powerful way of forcing myself not to hang all my hopes on someone like that, and to be more realistic with where things might be going.

So, feminists. Read The Rules. Complain about the details (because damn, some of that stuff is crazy). But look at the big picture and feel independent and empowered. You don’t need a man. You’re awesome just as you are.

Lots of love,
Wilhelm Scream.


I was on MSN just now, and Thomas asked if he could give Brian my phone number. Sure, said I, why? So Brian can ask me to their prom. My jaw drops. Me? Yes.

Then, a friend of Luke’s congratules me on Facebook chat. What for? I heard you’re going to prom with Brian. I express my astonishment at Luke’s gossipyness. Oh no, Brian told me. My mind is going “WTF???” at this point. I apologise vicariously to Luke.

This is on the one hand amazing but on the other hand awful. I really wanted to go to their prom, because I have many friends and acquaintances at their school, but my closest friends there have boy/girlfriends or are taking someone else. I half-hoped Luke would ask me, but it looks like he’s going stag. Jack isn’t going.

So I’m really happy to be able to go, because it’ll be so nice to see everyone and be able to say goodbye. However, this seems to have developed alarmingly into a proper “thing” between me and Brian. And there is not. I swear I was not flirting with him. He’s just so friendly it’s hard not to be nice to him. But now everyone thinks there’s real romance, and lord knows what he thinks. I’m just so not ready for this. He’s a wonderful person, but I don’t know him enough to know if I fancy him or not. Ambivalence is the current order of the day.

But whatever. Obviously if/when he actually asks me I’ll say yes. But hm.


1 Comment

  1. Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 9:00 pm

    […] as I said, last week I met Brian. Now, we did talk a lot, but I didn’t really notice it being any more […]

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