Hot off the press

Dear all,

Ngh. Oh god. It’s all awful. Everything is awful. I was talking to Joshua about Brian and sort of let slip that Brian’s not the guy on my mind romantically. So he coaxed it out of me that it’s Luke I’m after. And Joshua said that Luke is under the impression (or at least Joshua is under the impression as a friend of Luke’s) that we went out once about a year ago. This is not true, at least from my point of view, but I think I know what he might be referring to. And at the time I desperately wished it was a date but was convinced it wasn’t. And if he thinks we’ve been out once and nothing came of it, then he can’t like me really, can he?

Joshua told me to grow my hair long again if I want to worm my way into Luke’s heart. I could do almost anything else but not that. Having short hair is now part of who I am. However much I do worry about it and sometimes consider growing it again, it would take years to get properly long again, and I want Luke now, dammit! Apparently, though, even Volski thinks I should grow it. Maybe I will. Maybe this is my mistake in the romance department. My female friends think it looks kickass but my male friends think I should grow it out. I suppose it’s a case of balance. Look prettier vs. know that you only look prettier because you sold out to do so. But having it short makes me look older. Everyone says so. I reckon by the end of uni it could be long again.

Oh god, this is all terrible. What am I going to do? It was never supposed to happen like this. I was either supposed to be swept off my feet by Luke, or it was to remain an unrequited dream until I meet someone else at university who makes me forget all about him. I was never supposed to be effectively told that he doesn’t feel anything for me – he might once have had a glimmer, but it has died and cannot be revived. I don’t know. I mean, Joshua hasn’t definitely said that Luke has no feelings for me beyond friendship but I think it can be fairly readily inferred from what he has said.

My one consolation is that Joshua was surprised enough that I don’t think Luke told him about The Chat.

Lots of love, which was reserved for Luke but can now fairly safely be dispersed among you,
Wilhelm Scream.

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1 Comment

  1. Tuesday, 2nd June 2009 at 8:36 pm

    […] back to the horrors of last night, one little thing does shine out as being a good thing. Joshua’s initial remark after I told […]


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